Stopping Bullying Or How To Bully a Bully

October 27, 2011

Bullying is a hot button issue in America. The bullying problem, in schools, has grown larger over the decades. Every week or every few days another sad story of  a bullied student hits the air waves. Parents of bullied children are angry and frustrated. These same parents feel helpless and have little hope for any real change in the bullying problem. These same feelings are also felt by teachers, students, administrators, and community leaders. America, we don’t have to feel hopeless, frustrated and helpless when facing a bullying problem. All we have to do is learn how to bully a bully.

The first step in solving the bullying problem in schools is to bring back and establish good manners and mutual respect of others. Teachers and administrators must model and use good manners when working with students. When modeling and using good manners, the adults of a school can then demand that students use good manners in return. The same principle works with mutual respect, show respect to a student and you can expect and demand respect in return.

Students in today’s world are bombarded with negative role models and wrong behaviors through all the different medias and social networks. Too often the message is it is cool or acceptable behavior to be cruel and bullying. Students develop an attitude that they must be hard, unforgiving, and a bully to get by in school or accepted by other students. All too often this is the truth. Most schools do not know how to solve this bad behavior problem. When schools try to solve a behavior problem (bullying) with detentions, suspensions, conferences, etc. , bullied students know the bully will only come back  meaner, smarter, and more unrelenting than before. The downward cycle of  more bullying, being more afraid, more stressed out and feeling more helpless occurs to the victims of  the bully.  Bullies become more empowered and feel they are invincible. These cycles grow worse and eventually a tragedy occurs.

As manners  and mutual respect are demanded in a school a more confrontational stance against bad behavior and bullies must be adopted. Where bad behavior is seen, felt, or heard that behavior must be noticed, confronted, and dealt with. The Lecture and Pester process (previous post) must be used to confront bad behavior. Using Lecture and Pester an adult and student can work together to correct wrong thinking, wrong attitudes, and wrong behavior. The passive approach created by the Behaviorist Theory (previous post) must not be the main way to correct wrong behaviors.

A true bully thrives in an environment of constant turmoil and strife. Administrators, in too many schools, have too many problems and can not react to bully problems until some blood has been shed.

When good manners and mutual respect is demanded, bad behavior confronted, and the Lecture and Pester processes are used to change bad behavior while establishing self-discipline, 95-99% of  a school’s discipline and bullying problems will disappear from a school. The remaining 1-5% will find their bad behavior increasingly harder to maintain each and every school day of  the school year. Teachers and administrators can respond and pressure a bully about every wrong word, gesture, or terrorist threat made to any student. Bullies feel the pressure from constantly being scrutinized, challenged, and questioned about each wrong behavior. Bullies discover the need to change their behavior. When schools use these processes, schools will discover they can stop bullying by bullying the bully.

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